In my ordinary writing, I figure why use 5 words when I could use 500? So this blog is an exercise in brevity. If it ever takes longer than 5-seconds to read a review, you’ll know I’ve been abducted.

You can thank Sarah Hohman for the blog—she called my 5-second reviews on Facebook, “very entertaining”. The idea is not original. But I hope my reviews are. Or at least entertaining.

Jerit Wendlandt asked a Once Asked Question (an OAQ):

So your reading like a book a day and watching the extended versions of already long movies? How is this possible?

Well… I’ve got 30-something years of 5-second reviews just waiting to show the world. Plus it forms an important part of my Structured Procrastination strategy.

What I do is to reduce thousands (or even millions) of man-hours of creative labor into a 5-second (or less!) blurb that probably misses the whole point of the work. It’s like summarizing:

The throng of people hurried by, in two opposite streams, with no symptom of cessation or exhaustion; intent upon their own affairs; and undisturbed in their business speculations, by the roar of carts and waggons laden with clashing wares, the slipping of horses’ feet upon the wet and greasy pavement, the rattling of the rain on windows and umbrella-tops, the jostling of the more impatient passengers, and all the noise and tumult of a crowded street in the high tide of its occupation: while the two poor strangers, stunned and bewildered by the hurry they beheld but had no part in, looked mournfully on; feeling, amidst the crowd, a
solitude which has no parallel but in the thirst of the shipwrecked mariner, who, tost to and fro upon the billows of a mighty ocean, his red eyes blinded by looking on the water which hems him in on every side, has not one drop to cool his burning tongue.—The Old Curiosity Shop, Chapter 44


Water, water, everywhere,
And not a drop to drink.

Which misquotes The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Perhaps it’s a waste of time, but you can risk 5 seconds, can’t you?

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